OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
