Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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