dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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