I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
