I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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