I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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