Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
