haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
