Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he puts the penis in happiness.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize