He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
