I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
