I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
