I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
