omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
