Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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