he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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