they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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