Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
