How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
