end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
