Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You made out with two different species that night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
