They should really pass out barf bags in church
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
