TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
