As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
