guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
