oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Found your dick twin last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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