Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
