Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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