someone threw a dead crab at me
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
