I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
