So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
