It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
