I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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