You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
