Nicole vs. Life
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
