: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
