we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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