So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
