When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need moral support for this bender
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
