i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
