i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
