u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
