If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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