he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
