Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize