im drinking this country out of the recession.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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