What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
