Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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