who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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