i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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