my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
