he wants to bone in the snuggie
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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