I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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