I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
