Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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