either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
