i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
