You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
