You just made me feel so damn special
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize