We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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