it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
