I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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