it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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