im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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