he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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