he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize