a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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