her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
