listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
