I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
