i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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