I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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