i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
