3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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