Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
