Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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