So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
