i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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